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dreaming
Posted on 2013.02.26 at 01:51
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It's crazy to think these interactions just happened last year with you. That we were best friends. Or so I thought. During this time little did I know, at the time, that you were saying hurtful and untruthful things behind my back.

And then this popped up 5 months ago.

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What the hell? I mean..what am I suppose to think when I see that? You actually miss being friends? Even though you really didn't seem to like me in the end.

We were really good friends for awhile. Why did you talk shit behind my back? I wish we could go back to when things were good, when were actually best friends. (If that was ever so). But even if we both tried, I don't think I could ever trust you again. I guess what could I expect when you lie to your own boyfriend whom you claim to be so in love with?

I am bitter because I still don't have a best friend (not on in NYC anyway) and I do not feel like I could trust another friend. Who is to say they won't end up just like you and say really hurtful things behind my back?

I do realize I posted about moving on recently. And I am working on it. I've never really "moved on" before. I've always looked forward but been very fond of holding onto my past as well. But I've been letting a lot go and I've been very willing to throw things away and delete things that I truly feel do not matter anymore.

I think my biggest problem is I never got closure. You just cut me off from being friends without ever saying why. I found out about the back talking from others after we were no longer friends. The only other interactions we had was forced through work. We managed to be surprisingly civil for two very hot-headed individuals. Just recently I was in the shop though and you wouldn't even look at me. Why? What the hell did I do? Why was I made out to be the bad guy?
I know I did some terrible stuff. But not to you. I was nothing but a good friend to you. I just don't understand it and that is what drives me mad. I just wish I knew why you hated me so much.

I want to reach out for closure but wonder if it would really worth it. Yet you plague my brain still. Almost a year later and I still cannot help but wonder what happened to us as friends.

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